Some Fundamental Whisky Laws

by Oliver Klimek on March 28, 2014

I tried to condense my experiences in the whisky world into this little list. I hope it is of use.

1. The relevance of age in the marketing of a given whisky is proportional to its age.

2. The first flavoured whisky of a brand will always be “Honey”.

3. The number of critical posts in a whisky blog is inversely proportional to the number of whisky launch events visited.

4. As an online discussion among whisky geeks grows longer, the probability of it turning to the spelling or scoring issue approaches one.

5. The amount of time needed to explain cask wizardry does not quite offset the speed-up in perceived maturation achieved by it. Short version: Oak is the new time

6. With ongoing time, the probability of a whisky producer to release an expression in a bespoke designer bottle approaches one.

6a. The “artisan” factor of a whisky producer is inversely proportional to the time required to release an expression in a bespoke designer bottle.

7. The probability of a whisky producer to admit that their whisky alters its taste in a sealed bottle over time is greater than zero, by a margin too small to be determined exactly.

8. Reducing bottle size is more efficient than reducing ABV.

9. The perceived investment potential of a whisky bottle is proportional to its price.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeff March 31, 2014 at 5:57 am

An observer’s level of veracity about the whisky industry varies directly with their personal distance from that industry (Jeff’s Law of Shills).

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Cigar Inspector March 31, 2014 at 9:53 pm

This is genius. This list totally needs to go viral. Especially love #4.

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Whisky Live April 3, 2014 at 8:34 am

Your observation about Whisky is so deep. I think you have a great sense to observe a Whisky, as people do in Whisky Events. Your list will help lot more people to be a Gentle Whiskey Enthusiast. I think, technically the difference is in production. A blended scotch or whiskey is one in which several different whiskeys are blended together. A single malt scotch is one in which only one whiskey, from start to finish, is used. I love malt !!

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