10 Headlines That Will Instantly Boost Your Whisky Blog Readership

by Oliver Klimek on March 26, 2014

Juicy and succulent hyperbole is the latest craze on the internet as those of you active on Facebook will have noticed. Your friends keep sharing touching stories and picture series that blow your mind, that are too awseome to believe, that just leave you spechless or in tears or both. Viralnova has set the trend, and dozens of other sites have copied the concept and repeat the ever same stories – mostly stolen from Reddit – in an endless recycling loop on the quest for link juice. Other internet media like the Huffington Post or Wired have adopted this klick bait strategy in an attempt to keep their readers interested.

Whisky marketing has always had its fair share of hyperbole, but I was suprised to see that this exciting new trend has not really caught on with whisky bloggers yet. But the amount of whisky people sharing those “viral” stories tells me that there is a huge market for this approach.

I have lovingly hand-crafted ten sample headlines free to use for you, my fellow whisky bloggers, which are guaranteed to make your Google Analytics graph go crazy. You’re welcome. Please don’t thank me, thank your Adsense account.

1 – 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Whisky

This is the mother of all hyperbolic headlines. All beginners should start with this one. Don’t bother that there are already dozens of articles out there that have the same headline. You can always change the number, but 10 is best. For the content, just pick things like “Whisky is made from grain” or “Whisky contains the same microbes that make bread go bubbly” and illustrate them with stolen stock photos. Don’t tell me now that these are things everybody knows. You must always treat your readers as brain dead. They will love your for this. Especially the brain dead ones.

2 – The First Of These Whisky Auction Results Made Me Wonder, The Last One Had Me In Tears

Just go to one or more whisky auction sites and do some copy and paste. But be sure to end with a recent Speyburn Flora & Fauna result.

3 – How I Made 200% Profit With A Whisky Bottle In Only 10 Days

Admittedly, this one is not for everyone. You should have played the Feis Ile Queuing Game at least once in your lifetime.

4 – The 10 Craziest Wood Finishes

Another easy one. Anything from Tokaji to the fabled Fishky herring cask will do.

5 – The 10 Absolutely Best Whiskies. Ever. Honestly.

This works best if you are scoring whiskies. Then you just have to pick your ten highest ratings and put them into order. The numbers will give your post additional credibility. If you don’t give scores, you will need a bit of creativity. But I’m sure you will manage.

6 – First I Thought These Were Only Perfume Bottles, But That’s Not What They Were At All.

Tired af all those press releases for ultra premium de-luxury bottles? Here is the perfect place to dump the pictures and earn a little money along the way.

7 – You Will Not Believe What The Whisky Fairy Just Brought Me

This should be one of the nicer whisky samples you have received.

8 – 10 Mystery Whiskies That Can Only Be Bought By A Select Group Of People

I confess, this is my favourite headline. I am sure you can find ten Travel Retail exclusive NAS whiskies quickly.

9 – This Launch Event Was So Different From All The Others, It Left Me Speechless

Pick any. It works. Trust me.

10 – I Did Not Believe You Could Do This With Whisky, But When I Found Out: Mind Blown

Has there ever been a better way to introduce a whisky & chocolate or whisky & cheese pairing?

I guess you have learned how this works now. Be creative. Keep on hyping.

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Gal Granov March 26, 2014 at 7:41 am

HAHAHA! ;)

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Bernhard Rems March 26, 2014 at 8:09 am

Funny enough, a headline with “Bowmore” in it is a sure winner on my blog. Every time *g*

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Matt March 26, 2014 at 10:03 am

Pure gold Oliver. Pure. Gold.

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Whisky Writer March 26, 2014 at 10:06 am

Ha ha. I like number 7. Barely a day goes by on Twitter without someone thanking the Whisky Fairy for dropping off samples of the latest over-packaged and over-marketed bottle. Not that I’m jealous or anything…

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Josh Feldman March 26, 2014 at 1:51 pm

It’s clear you know too much and have loose lips. You will have to be “eliminated”…

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Oliver Klimek March 26, 2014 at 4:01 pm

I’m already actively ignored by many. You think this is not sufficient?

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My Annoying Opinions March 26, 2014 at 2:40 pm

You forgot “You Know You’re a Whisky Geek When…”….

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Oliver Klimek March 26, 2014 at 2:43 pm

Nah, that stuff is just for the geeks themselves. This here is all about encouraging a wider audience to get involved.

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Cat Spencer March 27, 2014 at 1:21 pm

Hahahaha. Brilliant. Just love it.

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Pandemonium01 March 28, 2014 at 2:08 pm

Nice, but they will probably only increase your bounce rate.
I guess all “Top 10 (something) whisky” headlines are clear winners. People just love to read other peoples top 5 or 10, content most of the time doesn’t matter.
So that makes this post on your site in itself a potential magnet for new visitors :)

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Steffen Bräuner March 30, 2014 at 9:02 pm

I just need to put up an empty blog post to break readers records. Kinda depressing isn’t ?

Steffen

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Oliver Klimek March 30, 2014 at 9:18 pm

Well, it was a brilliant idea. I wish I had had it. ;)

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Cigar Inspector March 31, 2014 at 10:30 pm

rofl, love that last one “Mind Blown.” These are great, and sadly, as ridiculous as they are, I bet they work. Can use them for anything too!

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